Some Love Stories Remain Incomplete Forever- Confession-19

It is about love! How did I know if that was love? It is because I have been in different relationships through out my life and I never bothered about staying very long with them; I simply focused on how good their figure is and how quickly I can get laid with them. But at times, you cross some amazing personalities who make you realise the most beautiful feeling in this world. A feeling that even has the potential of binding two people without even meeting ever. A feeling that you find once in a blue moon and is not very common. It is far cry from just dating someone and remains flawless always. Albeit, not everyone gets their share of love and some love stories remain incomplete forever leaving their smudge with you, forever.

I am a guy who remained audacious through out my life and hardly I stopped for any girl. Being veracious is good for some people but it is not appreciated by all, especially fucking corporate management people. They prefer people who are mendacious in nature but at the same time if you’re honest, you get into light quickly getting attention of many. Through out the professional career I met numerous girls where they find my attitude to be strong and I hardly missed any chances of dating. If I think now, how different this girl was from the others whom I dated in the past, I really have no comparison. Reason is, I am trying to compare two different worlds altogether and both are disparate. One is about a beautiful feeling and another is simply about some quick plans to get laid. So, I would prefer not to compare her with any of the girls I met till date even if some of them were too beautiful. However, some times you are left with deserted loneliness when you realise you were always on a single sided love.

I fell for someone and for the first time I thought I will take this relationship seriously. I told her about my feeling and her reaction was neutral initially. We both did really well in our work. I started taking her as part of my life and hence I stopped dating others. In fact, I never allowed others to cross their limits after talking to her. It was a different myself and I could actually feel it. It really never happened that I felt like this for any girl when I was just dating casually. If any date did not work, I used to forget in moments and move on to next quickly. Life was pretty simple. But when you do things honestly, you face frightening conundrum. The feeling is completely different. You haven’t met but you can feel them; you can feel the sweet pain of missing them but you can’t say it all. Gradually she started becoming an inevitable part of my life and in short a habit. When you make someone your habit, you are actually giving them utmost priority over everyone else and may be that is where I started doing the mistake. Little did I know a perfect storm is waiting for me ahead.

We were in different timezones and hence I used to wait for her call or messages. Leaving behind meetings and hectic schedule, I started waiting for the time to talk to her. Even if it was a short call, I used to remain content. However, she did not give much attention to all this happening at my end. You get sometime in a day and when you miss it, you just miss it. When you prefer giving priorities to other things around you apart from the person who’s waiting for you 1000 miles away, makes things clear how serious she was about the relationship. There were many ups and downs in between, sometimes due to my rude behaviour and sometimes due to external things like wrong suggestions by friends, someone commenting about her etc. But, somehow we managed to cross those phases and kept the ball rolling. I am very frank by nature and prefer saying things honestly rather than try to hide and find excuses to hide them further. I really never put any kind of restrictions but sometimes I found her lying about her schedule and being somewhere else. It straight away puts a question mark about how trustworthy our relationship was? And if I say, I caught you lying, she chose to respond, your mentality is cheap. In reality, my mentality was not cheap, I just expected honesty from her. I always thought of having a partner with whom I never have to lie and would prefer remain honest, even if I have to take drugs, I would say it and do. Now, do you feel my mentality can be cheap? Oh yeah, when it is about a relationship, people surely become a little cautious, that’s all.

Due to one of my friend’s wrong suggestion I sometimes scolded her as well. She managed to cross them and I felt bad about those incidents. I should not have done that. But, honestly things started becoming worse. I had gone through a really bad phase of life where I was under the control of depressing things all around. When you really love someone, and you choose to become a part of it, you never leave them in their bad phases. Bad times are a part of life but every cloud has a silver lining and bad time is never permanent. Seeing me in continuous issues, even she lost her control and directly told me one day “I do not want to invest my time on you”. It was like adding insult to the injury. I did not expect everyone to be with me but at least I thought she would understand me, actually it was not. Again that questions your credibility of how seriously you are taking up the relationship. I even left that behind and tried to keep moving. Gradually I had started feeling that she is not interested in the relationship. In reality, we never talked like we are even trying for a relationship. When you do not allow a person to open up, it means you are still not ready.

Things were wrong already and when my friend told me about the girl’s confession posted elsewhere. She had written about being confused between two people and not been able to choose the right direction for herself. That was the biggest blow for me. In those many months, I gave my 100 percent to her leaving behind everyone but when it came to her, she was already in a relationship and I made my entry into their life where she got confused. That is the reason she never opened up nor did she allow me to. Moreover, now I can sense why she always chose to keep her steps back. That brings me to some important questions. Why did you even chose to get along this relationship when you were already in one? Why did you not clearly discussed these issues about being confused about two people in your life? If you just thought of taking it up as a fling, why not someone who’s near you and why me who was miles away from you just waiting for you? Why did you not think how it would feel when you knew I was taking it up seriously?

I chose to let her go ahead with the other person because as a human being we have no rights to hurt someone’s feelings and invading in someone’s life. Of course, being in months of waiting period and those sweet painful feeling kills me, but it was on the best for both of their lives. Thinking about those months still leaves my eyes wet and actually that sweet feeling of missing someone is really beautiful which she made me realise. I really never felt that way for someone and honestly not everyone gets their share of love. When you make someone as your habit it becomes really difficult to overcome the situation immediately. Also, I believe this incident will never erase completely from my memory. I did respect her always and will keep that intact. She might have her own reasons why she chose not to disclose about her relationship but even if those months went with ignorance from her side, it was serious from my end and now leaves me with tears. Not everyone gets their share of love and that is why some love stories remain incomplete forever. They remain in your memories forever but they cannot be your’s.

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