Illusion or love? Sex Confession – 5

Here, I am to confess something. Is it something erotic? No! It’s just a confession. I am a 29 years old guy working in Canada and manage my personal business as well. Due to the nature of work, I have to work very long hours, not for my job but also to manage the business. I deal with a lot of people in and out but remain very calm and composed, but things went aberrantly wrong in one instance and that too abruptly. That brings me to share my story of illusion or love? And how I fell for someone over a phone call.

A little background, I moved to Canada some years back from a different Asian country. I have been through a breakup once and that taught me many things. She broke up with me because I was not stable financially, because of family reasons. I had to work part time to pay my own bills during my graduation where I was left alone after a long relationship. It took me a long time to recover and I decided, I will never stop again. At least, I will never let anyone think that I am not strong enough or able to earn money. Little did she know that things are going to change sooner, where my dad got promoted, my brother joined a job in abroad and I was the last to start working. Before even I started working full time, everything was under control, financially, but I had made my mind, I will never stop!

I went through many short term relationships back in my country and in Canada as well. Albeit, I tried counting them one day out of curiosity and it came around 40 to my mind and some I could not even remember. Oh wait; there are other bad habits too. Smoke, drink, weed, I have left nothing so far. So now you know, I am a bad ass guy who never wants to stop living. Even though I slept with many girls, I could actually never forget the day my girlfriend broke up with me for a reason like I was not stable financially. Possibly that made me to move forward with more alacrity, thanks to her.

Back to the story, few days back due to the nature of the work that I do I come across many people including my own team and I interact with a lot others. In these years I really never fell for any! I slept with many including some from the workplace as well but I never felt something artistic that would change my mind. Some time back, I worked with a girl for some work, never saw each other, just some mutual work and it was done like how I do with others. Unlike others, here we interacted a little more, again due to work not a big deal. We even went through phone calls. I did not feel anything special on day one. But on subsequent calls I started liking and enjoyed talking to her. May be that was the starting of Illusion or love? Was there something erotic or sex involved? No! A normal conversation drove me into so called what I think is illusion, additionally, one sided.

One of a friend asked me if I can accompany her for a trip. I denied. May be I was lost somewhere? In just two or three calls, never saw her but something was wrong, I could feel it. But things went wrong when some of the work was not done on time and I knew she was lying. How did I know that? My sixth sense works a little much faster than what others think it to be. Touchwood. But still I had a soft corner for her. There was something I could never find what it was, but to divert a man like me was never easy especially something emotional. Everyone goes through ups and downs, and happens with me as well. I wanted to talk to her one day when I needed, may be because of work and just to talk? I was ignored there too! I know I could never understand what I wanted to say, then how come the other person would realise it? How come a man for whom other girls easily fall for, got stuck for someone who neither even saw nor did he even asked for a picture? Illusion or love? Strange!

But, when I saw I was ignored, I asked my friend in the mid week itself for a trip. She agreed and we booked tickets for Italy. I wanted to find peace and was checking if it was something real. I had an awesome time there for a week. Eat-Roam-Shop-Smoke-Drink-Sex-Sleep-and continue. On the second day of the trip itself, the illusion was abating. Though I had planned for 3 weeks vacation, I had to come back after 8 days but we enjoyed a lot. After coming back, I talked too. Now, I don’t see any kind of attraction. No Illusion or love. I feel irritated talking to her now. Some stories are better when they don’t have an ending and remains incomplete forever. I think I moved on and I feel it was a nice experience that made me learn what I want to achieve in my life, the speed I wanted always and lastly, not to have anyone say or ignore me ever because once upon a time I was not stable financially!

It happened to make me realise, unintentionally I might have hurt someone ever!

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